Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
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That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
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I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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