My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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