i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
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I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
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Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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