when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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