how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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