is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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