I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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