my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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