I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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