I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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