we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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