The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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