this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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