DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize