Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Everyone says I win the strip club
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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