You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Randomize