I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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