please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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