sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
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Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
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Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
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