This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize