Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
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Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
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All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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