The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize