he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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