He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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