that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize