I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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