sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
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I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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