Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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