just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
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I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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