i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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