I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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