I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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