Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
time to smoke my breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize