Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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