We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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