you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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