It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just googled if crying burns calories
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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