I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
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he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
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Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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