quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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