gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dude i'm inner monologue high
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After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
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How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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