Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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