i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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