the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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