So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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