I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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