I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
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He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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