you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
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I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
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The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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