Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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