There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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