I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize